My Parents

My parents are considering giving up their land line to save money and relying on their "new" cell phone for communication. I use the term "new" very loosely. They've had the cell phone for over 5 years, but I can count the number of times they have used it on one hand.

Here's the conversation we had over the phone yesterday... or perhaps I should say I heard yesterday:

(Mama Bear dials phone number and hears them answer on the other end)
Grandma: How do I answer this phone?
Poppy: Don't answer it. What if it's someone we don't know? I don't want to waste my minutes on a wrong number. What number is calling?
Grandma: I don't know. How can I tell?
Poppy: Look at the window on the front.
Grandma: I already opened it, but I think the area code was 555 (misreading the number)
Poppy: We don't know anyone in that area code. Don't answer it. I'm not paying for wrong numbers.
Grandma: But it might be an emergency. What do I push?
Poppy: The green button.
Grandma: ok (click)

Grandma called me this morning. She said she wanted to practice using the cell phone. She and Poppy are heading out on a week-long bus trip with the senior citizens to see famous gardens in North Carolina. She tells me their bus is currently passing through our area so the call won't be long distance. Then she asks me to call my sister "E" back home and ask her to check in on my sister "S" to make sure she made it safely home from dropping them off at the bus station. "S" has only been driving for 34 years, so she might have gotten lost traveling those 3 miles back from the bus station. And Grandma can't call "E" directly, now that the bus is 2 hours from home, because that's long distance. I just say "Ok, Grandma. Will do." It doesn't matter how many times I've explained her plan is free throughout the continuous 48 states.

Grandma says they only took the cell phone with them in case there is an emergency and we need to get hold of them. Poppy doesn't want to waste the batteries, she tells me, so she is going to turn the phone off immediately after she hangs up. However, she plans to turn it on again every night at 7PM just in case we have an emergency and need to get hold of her.

I silently promise to only have emergencies this week between 7 and 8 at night.

It's taken her 73 years to develop this wisdom. Who am I to second guess it?

Sherman gets a brother

My oldest cub is all grown up and living 5 hours away in the steel city. Also home to penguins and pirates. Too far away to get her fill of puppy breath from Sherman. So she decided to take the plunge and get a little guy of her own.

Meet Oliver

Oliver was born the same day we picked Sherman up. They share the same father. And Sherman's mother is Oliver's mother's mother (from quite a few litters back). So that makes them brothers. And uncle-nephew. Sherman is Oliver's bruncle.

They are best friends already.

And while my oldest cub is in the process of moving from her old place to a new pet-friendly place, we get to experience the joy of two puppies under our roof until the end of May. Individually they are sweet-smelling, soft, cuddly, tinkle machines. Together they are a tornado.

Newer and improved..... maybe

The Man of the House was recently provided with a brand-spankin' new 2008 Chrysler Town and Country minivan, similar to the one pictured here (photo courtesy of Chrysler). It's very comfortable, drives smoothly, stow-n-go seats, cool keyfob entry and "keyless" ignition. All the works. And since research shows that cup holders are so important to women, I can accurately report the cup holders in the sliding back doors are a vast improvement over the ones in the 2005 T&C.

So overall, we have been quite happy with this new Town and Country for the last month.

Until last night. Actually, last night precisely at 11:45PM. When all suburbanites are tucked safely in their beds, dreaming of a big yellow bus coming by bright and early to take their little cubs off for the day. Dreaming, that is, until AN ALARM STARTS BLARING for no reason.

Ok, maybe there was a reason. Maybe some wild animal snuck under it and jostled some wires. Maybe some adventurous hooligans were going door-to-door looking for an unlocked vehicle where they could quickly snag a cell phone or laptop. Who knows. Goodness knows we never figured it out. But at precisely 11:45PM, the high decibal horn began it's frightful call.

In the attempt to get into the car, we grabbed the cool keyfob -- this modern day genius of an invention. And discovered to our chagrin that when the alarm is going off, it is impossible to get any buttons on the key-fob to work.

On Chrysler's website they say -- "The intuitive keyfob that's available with Town & Country can do everything from starting the vehicle remotely to opening the available power liftgate and sliding doors." They neglect to say it won't respond while alarm is sounding and the owner is in complete panic mode.

So, where was the owner's manual that would explain how to stop the alarm? In the glove compartment where every able-bodied American keeps their car's owner's manual, of course. Just beyond the locked doors. Locked doors of a vehicle that is screaming into the night. And just in case the neighbors weren't quite sure who was disturbing their sleep, all of the lights inside and outside the vehicle were on permanent flash.

While scrambling around, adrenalin pulsing, we discovered the alarm will stop sounding all on its own after 3 full minutes. And eventually, we figured out that if you pull the keyfob apart, you will find a valet key allowing entrance to the vehicle - though using that key will also start the alarm sounding for another 3 full minutes. And in reading the owner's manual, we discovered once you gain access, the way to shut the alarm off is to start the car using the vehicle's keyfob. So simple, yet so confusing. Especially in the middle of the night. When your heart is racing a mile a minute. When the temperature is in the low 50s and you realize you are only wearing a sleeveless nightgown.

I think in my next life, I will go to design school to make car alarms more user friendly. I will also invest in long sleeved pajamas.

In the mean time, perhaps I should read the vehicle's owner's manual. On second thought, I prefer to enjoy driving my 1993 Honda Accord, without car alarm and keyfob.

Mother's Day

In honor of Mother’s Day, I thought I’d share a piece of Bear Family history.

Every family begins with a mother bear somewhere. Our family tree begins with these two lovely, happy ladies, sisters Anna and Hedgwick. Both knew that the key to a future of wealth and happiness was across the sea in America. So they married smart young men and convinced them America was the land of milk and honey. America. Also known as New York. O.K., Upstate New York really – in a little tiny town that hardly makes it on most maps.

But milk and honey was in their futures. Little did they know they would be gathering their milk and honey from the moo cows and buzzin' bees.

Anna had a slew of children, and the first three boys were well educated in their home country of Lithuania and sent to America with the promise to earn enough money to bring the rest of the family over. And so it was written. And so it was done.

And everyone made it over in time for Anna's husband to go on to the promised land. In those days, weddings and funerals were great photo opportunities, since A) photographers were quite expensive, B) pretty much the whole family would be there and C) there was at least one person you didn't have to worry about holding still.

The youngest of the original 3 brothers, Leon, was quite the ladies man. His family hoped he would give up his roustabout days and settle down with a nice girl. So he found that young lady of his dreams, proposed to her, set a date and celebrated. C.E.L.E.B.R.A.T.E.D. with everyone who would raise a glass and with a few young ladies of lesser reputation along the way. Word got out to his bride-to-be's family and the whole affair was called off.

So, what was a family to do with such a scandalous young man on their hands? Why, send to the Old Country for a lovely bride, of course!

Enter Ksenia. (pronounced Kah-sehn-ya)

She was a virtuous young lady of rather limited beauty, and an interesting upbringing. Scorned by the mother who raised her, she was "farmed out" to another family by the age of 7. She received no formal education and spent her days milking cows, tending to the chickens and working the gardens. Essentially she was an indentured servant.

Her older sisters took pity. Perhaps because they saw their mother's distaste for this child. Perhaps because the oldest sister was actually Ksenia's birth mother. It's just one of those things that happens and no one in the family talks about directly, though hints are dropped along the way. And since everyone involved is long gone from this world, I don't think they would argue over the fact that her oldest sister lamented about a daughter she left behind when she was rather hurriedly sent to America, a child who would just happen to be the same age as Ksenia. And a mother/grandmother who showed such distaste for this young girl.

So money was gathered and Ksenia was sent for. When she arrived in this small upstate NY town, the family threw a party. And what a party it was! She was welcomed by the parish priest. She was given a beautiful dress to wear, borrowed from a cousin, along with a wreath of flowers in her hair and a lovely bouquet to carry all through the party. There was a wonderful dinner, with music and dancing.

And at the end of the night, Leon, the dashing young man with the moustache said, "Time to go home." What? Go home with a stranger? What about her sisters? Ksenia had never attended a wedding before, and had no idea what had transpired. And besides, this guy spoke Lithuanian and Ksenia only knew Ukrainian.

So that night, Leon took Ksenia home to his farm. And thus was the beginning of the Bear Clan.

Ksenia may not have been formally educated. And she never learned to sign more than an X to a document. But she was one smart cookie. The first thing she told Leon was that she had no idea how to milk a cow. And she never again milked a cow in her 95 years on this earth.